Crime fighting the 'cool' way.....
Despite living in Nottingham which the media has portrayed as gun capital of the UK with loads of burglaries and muggings I have in my 12 year residence of this fair city had no probs to mention. A couple of break in's but nothing too serious but this morning I had what can only be described as the Laurel and Hardy of muggings happen to me.
Two little toerags threatened me with a knife on my way to work. Unfortunately they must have forget some of the basics of mugging in their bravado. Firstly mug someone with money, I'm skint the sum total of my ready cash might buy you a cup of tea and sarnie but not a lot else. Second mug someone with stuff worth nicking again not me. My mobile spends more time at home than being mobile.... I don't wear bling or anything, if I wanted to look like Jay Z or P daddy I wouldn't be wearing ripped jeans and T-Shirt!.
Thirdly might help being a mugger if you looked sort of scary, yes threatening me with a knife is sorta scary but being covered in acne and looking younger than the students in my college is hardly instilling me with fear.....
Fourthly when going about a mugging don't choose a street that is busy, passers by tend to notice the victim 'namely me' swearing rather loudly at the 'fecing tossers' and wonder whats happening.
And perhaps finally again related to location do not under any circumstances try and rob someone within spitting distance of the local police station, it sort of makes the targets escape route obvious and at 8.00am in the morning you tend to have a steady flow of police going to work....
Suffice to say they didn't actually manage to rob anything, got very confused at my attitude 'um isn't he supposed to be like scared or something?' and got caught within 5 min due to the fact I could walk into the local nick and give a description straight away (despite having an aversion to all places of authority!)
Lucky I did as well, some poor women had been frogmarched to a cashpoint at knife point by them earlier and was giving a statement as I arrived, coincidence but led to them being caught as the 'viper squad' were already after them. I didn't even know we had a 'viper squad', apparently it's a group of detectives and police types who concentrate on knife/gun crime in Nottingham and presumably are pretty rapid response. They had a lucky break with me today or the fact they are dealing with stupid muggers but I would like to think it was my cool crime fighting skill!
Unfortunately I will now have to do all the photo id line up thingy and court appearance etc but hey if I'm going to be like spider man I need to make sure some 'punks go down'........
